Batman's Poisonous Adventure
by Windrises
Summary: Poison Ivy is on the loose and is causing trouble, but Batman sees potential in her and even starts caring about her.


Note: Batman is owned by DC Comics and was created by Bob Kane and Bill Finger. Black Mask was created by Doug Moench and Tom Mandrake.

Batman arrived at the police station's rooftop and asked, "What's going on?"

Commissioner Gordon said, "Poison Ivy broke out of Arkham Asylum a few weeks ago."

Batman asked, "Do you know where she is?"

Detective Bullock angrily said, "That's a silly question. If I knew where she was I would of defeated her by now." Batman punched Detective Bullock in the stomach.

Batman asked, "Has Poison Ivy done any crimes recently?"

Commissioner Gordon said, "There's been no reports of any plant crimes."

Batman replied, "Deep down Poison Ivy doesn't want to be evil. She wants to make sure all of the plants in Gotham are safe. It's similar to how I want everybody in Gotham to be safe. The main difference is that my goal is super important."

Commissioner Gordon asked, "Do you think Poison Ivy will stop doing crimes?"

Batman said, "No. There's tons of greedy businessmen in Gotham who want plants destroyed."

Detective Bullock replied, "Plants are stupid." Batman grabbed Detective Bullock's box of donuts and threw them into the garbage can. Detective Bullock quickly grabbed all of the donuts in five seconds. He said, "The five second rule saved me from losing a snack."

Meanwhile Black Mask was having a meeting with Firefly in his crime office. Black Mask said, "You need to make sure that my newest scheme works out."

Firefly asked, "What's going on, dude?"

Black Mask said, "I picked out a great location for my next criminal building. Sadly Poison Ivy has dozens of plants there. I need you to get rid of all of the plants."

Firefly responded, "I'll do that, bro."

A few hours later Poison Ivy was saying goodnight to her plants. Poison Ivy said, "I hope that you rest well my darling plants." Poison Ivy spent twenty minutes kissing the plants goodnight. After saying goodnight to the plants Poison Ivy headed to her small hideout which was only a few dozen feet away from the plants.

Firefly flew up to the area where the plants were at. He looked around and said, "These plants are silly looking. Being outside would feel like an air conditioner for the plants. That's why I'm going to be the heater." Firefly started setting the plants on fire.

Poison Ivy ran out of her hideout and used a water hose to put out the fire. She looked around and saw Firefly. She said, "You destroyed a few of the plants."

Firefly replied, "You're crazy. You act like plants are the most important thing ever. Money's like a million times more important."

Poison Ivy said, "You're a monster for hurting my dear plants. My plants are more important than any humans."

Firefly replied, "You should calm down. If you stopped focusing on plants you would be really popular. You're super pretty."

Poison Ivy said, "Then give me a kiss."

Firefly didn't know that kissing Poison Ivy was dangerous so he took his mask off Poison Ivy gave Firefly a poisonous kiss. Firefly passed out.

The next morning Batman returned to the police station's rooftop and asked, "Is there big news?"

Commissioner Gordon said, "Yes. I found Firefly tied up in the police station. He got defeated by some kind of poison. A nearby doctor cured him before I had Firefly sent back to Arkham Asylum. Do you think that Poison Ivy is the one who poisoned Firefly?"

Detective Bullock said, "That's a foolish thing to ask. It's crystal clear that she's the villain you fool." Batman grabbed Detective Bullock's hat and ripped it in half.

Commissioner Gordon asked, "Why did Poison Ivy poison Firefly?"

Batman said, "Firefly likely tried to hurt her plants."

Detective Bullock asked, "Why would Firefly hate plants that much?"

Batman said, "He was probably hired by Black Mask."

Commissioner Gordon asked, "How should we take care of this problem Batman?"

Batman said, "I have a plan."

Batman drove around Gotham to find the place that had the most plants. Since Batman knew that Poison Ivy was hiding Batman drove around streets where very few people lived. After several minutes of driving around Batman found Poison Ivy's hideout. Batman said, "I want us to talk about the big crimes that have been going on."

Poison Ivy responded, "It's foolish of you to come after me. I can have my plants destroy you."

Batman said, "Instead of using your plant powers for evil stuff you could take care of the real problems that have been going on in Gotham."

Poison Ivy responded, "The evil businessmen are the ones that have doing the problems. I'm going to poison all of them."

Batman said, "Black Mask has been causing me a lot of problems recently. Capturing him has been really hard. You have what it takes to get rid of him."

Poison Ivy asked, "What do you want me to do?"

Batman said, "I want you to poison Black Mask for me."

Poison Ivy replied, "That doesn't seem like a heroic thing by your standards."

Batman said, "It's pretty easy to cure your poisonous kisses. If you poison Black Mask I can have him cured shortly before he gets sent back to Arkham Asylum. That would ruin all of his criminal plans."

Poison Ivy replied, "A superhero who wants to poison a criminal seems wrong. You're breaking the law."

Batman said, "I care about justice, not rules. Poison Black Mask."

Poison Ivy replied, "Okay."

The next night Batman and Poison Ivy broke into Black Mask's building. Batman started fighting the other criminals in the building while Poison Ivy ran to Black Mask's meeting office. Black Mask looked around the office and saw Poison Ivy. He said, "You're quite beautiful for someone I hate."

Poison Ivy replied, "I'm going to get rid of all of your plans."

Black Mask angrily said, "How dare you mess with my company. I'm one of the most successful people in Gotham. I'm not as rich as my old friend, Bruce Wayne, but I'm super good. Unlike Bruce I always wear a mask. I doubt Bruce has any masks of value."

Poison Ivy asked, "Don't you want to kiss me?"

Black Mask said, "Okay. However I'm going to get rid of you and I'll have your plants destroyed." Poison Ivy kissed Black Mask. Black Mask passed out.

Batman went into the room and noticed that Black Mask got poisoned by Poison Ivy. Batman said, "You did a really good job."

Poison Ivy replied, "Thank you Batman. It's rare for us to have the same goal. I've been wasting time poisoning Black Mask's henchmen. You inspired me to defeat the boss instead of the silly henchmen. Perhaps I can thank you with a kiss."

Batman replied, "I'm not going to have you poison me with one of your poisonous kisses."

Poison Ivy said, "I was offering you a normal kiss." Batman didn't believe Poison Ivy so he ended his conversation with her. Batman put handcuffs on Black Mask and had him sent back to Arkham Asylum.

A few hours later Batman went to the police station's rooftop and asked, "Did you get Black Mask cured in time?"

Commissioner Gordon said, "Thankfully the doctor cured him. However the doctor barely had enough time. I hate to accuse you of anything Batman, but did you have Poison Ivy poison Black Mask?"

Batman said, "I did hire her, but it was the right thing to do."

Detective Bullock replied, "This is why the police shouldn't trust you. You'll probably have every criminal in Gotham poisoned. Even I think you're being too harsh."

Batman said, "We have the antidote to the poison so we can cure any of the criminals that get poisoned. I told Poison Ivy to poison Riddler and Scarecrow."

Detective Bullock walked up to Commissioner Gordon and said, "Batman's too dangerous. We can't hire him to take care of any more crimes."

Commissioner Gordon said, "Stop the poisonous stuff Batman or I won't call you anymore."

Batman replied, "No." Batman ran out.

The next night Batman noticed that the Bat Signal was broken. Commissioner Gordon and Detective Bullock had it broken to punish Batman for hiring Poison Ivy to hire criminals. Batman felt a little sad about losing the Bat Signal. However a few days later Batman saw a new Bat Signal. Batman drove to the location of the new Bat Signal and realized that it was next to Poison Ivy's house.

Poison Ivy said, "I had a new signal made for you."

Batman replied, "It's a very nice present. You helped me a lot by poisoning Firefly, Black Mask, Riddler, and Scarecrow. I want to thank you."

Poison Ivy replied, "Then let me give you a kiss. I promise that it won't be poisonous."

Batman said, "Okay." Batman and Poison Ivy kissed.

A few weeks later Batman felt guilty about having criminals poisoned. He talked Poison Ivy into not giving out poisonous kisses to criminals. Batman went to the police station and apologized to Commissioner Gordon. Commissioner Gordon said, "I'm glad you're doing with the poison stuff Batman. I'm going to have the Bat Signal fixed."

Detective Bullock responded, "Batman doesn't deserve any signals." Batman lightly punched Detective Bullock.

Batman returned to the Batcave and explained to Alfred what happened. Alfred folded his arms and said, "I can't believe that you and Poison Ivy were working together."

Batman replied, "I admit that it's one of my more morally questionable ideas. It's just that Poison Ivy defeating my enemies with a poisonous kiss was working so well."

Alfred raised in eyebrows and looked at Batman with a disapproving look. He asked, "You call poisoning your enemies an affective strategy."

Batman sighed and replied, "There's an antidote to the poisonous kiss so nobody died."

Alfred responded, "It's still too big of a risk."

Batman said, "I know. That's why I'm not working with Poison Ivy on that."

Alfred asked, "Where is she now?"

Batman answered, "At her home."

Alfred sternly replied, "You better be referring to Arkham when you say home."

Batman responded, "I haven't captured her yet. It's a way of thanking her for helping me stop Black Mask and some other criminals. However, I'm only giving her a head start. I intend on having her arrested tomorrow."

Alfred replied, "Just remember that she's your enemy and not your date."

Batman angrily glared at Alfred and asked, "What are you trying to say?"

Alfred answered, "I think that you've been giving her more kindness than she deserves, because you have a soft spot for her."

Batman stubbornly responded, "You're wrong about that. I give my criminals the vengeance that they deserve."

The next day Batman visited Commissioner Gordon at the police station's rooftop and asked, "Is Poison Ivy still free?"

Commissioner Gordon said, "Yes."

Batman replied, "I'm going to stop her this time."

Commissioner Gordon sternly responded, "Don't make any deals with her this time."

Batman said, "Don't worry. I re-learned what justice is about."

Batman drove to the small house that Poison Ivy was using as a hideout. He parked his car close to the garden, but he made sure that he didn't run over any of the plants. He walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

Poison Ivy opened the door while wearing a fancy green dress. She smiled at Batman and said, "Greetings Batman. It's nice to see you."

Batman replied, "I'm afraid that it's not nice to see you."

Poison Ivy asked, "Am I that hard to look at?"

Batman shook his head and said, "No, you're beautiful." Poison Ivy flirtatiously smiled at Batman. He looked a little grumpy while saying, "I wasn't trying to flirt with you."

Poison Ivy replied, "I still feel charmed."

Batman said, "You're going to face the wrath of justice after I send you to Arkham."

Poison Ivy had a confident smile on her face while saying, "Yeah right. You give the more nasty criminals vengeance, but you're too soft to defeat me."

Batman replied, "I've defeated you plenty of times before. You're arrogant for thinking that I'm going to let you get away with your crimes."

Poison Ivy walked around her living room and started watering her plants. She asked, "What crimes have I done?"

Batman angrily said, "I admit that poisoning Black Mask and Firefly was my fault, but all the people that you've poisoned in the past is your fault. You keep breaking out of Arkham Asylum so you haven't finished the amount of time that you're supposed to spend there." He got out a pair of handcuffs and said, "Surrender to justice."

Poison Ivy angrily replied, "The plants in Gotham will die without me."

Batman responded, "I'll take care of that problem."

Poison Ivy folded her arms and asked, "Do you promise?" Batman nodded. She said, "Then I'll surrender."

Batman replied, "I'm glad that you made that choice. You have the potential to be redeemed."

Poison Ivy asked, "May I give you a proper goodbye?" Batman shrugged his shoulders. She kissed him.

Batman frowned and replied, "That was wrong."

Poison Ivy said, "Whatever."

Batman took Poison Ivy back to Arkham Asylum. He walked her to her cell and said, "I wish you the best."

Poison Ivy replied, "I hope that you call me."

Batman said, "Vigilantes don't call their enemies."

Poison Ivy replied, "Maybe you're not a vigilante. Maybe you're a great hero who pretends to be harsher than he really is to scare the villains." She looked around and saw that Batman had left.

The next day Alfred walked around the living room and saw that the room was filled with plants. He asked, "What's going on here?"

Bruce tapped Alfred on the shoulder and said, "I'm sorry about this weird surprise Alfred, but I needed a place for Poison Ivy's plant collection. I'm going to need you to water them."

Alfred sighed and said, "Okay Bruce."

Bruce pointed to the plants and replied, "These are the plants that she had in her house. I'm going to try to go to her garden a few times a week so I can save her plants while she's in Arkham."

Alfred replied, "I'm glad that you finally took Ms. Isley back to Arkham Asylum, but don't you think that taking care of her plants is more than she deserves?"

Bruce smiled and said, "This isn't about helping a criminal Alfred. She goes too far when it comes to trying to save plants, but she does have a point about plants needing to be treated better. I can't save every plant, but I do intend on saving the ones in Gotham."

Meanwhile, Poison Ivy was hanging out in Arkham's lounge. The Riddler noticed that she was deep in thought so he sat next to her and said, "Riddle me this: What does it take to keep a human plant distracted all day?"

Poison Ivy replied, "I was thinking about somebody."

The Riddler asked, "Were you thinking about a potential boyfriend?" She nodded. Riddler said, "How interesting. I must find out the answer to this riddle."

Poison Ivy smiled and said, "You aren't going to find that out."

Riddler screamed, "Tell me!" She ignored him. He kept screaming, "Tell me!" She signaled to the guards to take him back to his cell.


End file.
